Why Does Anxiety Make Everything Feel So Urgent?

If you have ever felt anxious, I am happy to let you know that you have felt a regular human emotion. Anxiety operates as an alarm system, alerting you to danger whether it be physical, emotional or social. However, anxiety has a way of making everything feel like it needs to be figured out right now.

• I need an answer.

• I need reassurance.

• I need to know what is going to happen.

• I need to make the right decision.

And preferably, you need to do all of that before your brain comes up with another ten things you absolutely MUST worry about.

Anxiety is not always loud or obnoxious. It can also look like overthinking, researching, checking, avoiding, procrastinating, asking the same question repeatedly, replaying conversations, or struggling to make a decision because none of the options feel completely safe. At its core, anxiety is often trying to protect us.

The problem is that sometimes it becomes a little too good at its job.

Your Brain Is Looking for Certainty

When we feel anxious, our brain starts scanning for potential threats. Does “What could go wrong? Did I miss something? What if I make the wrong choice? What did they mean by that text? Is this feeling in my body normal?” sound familiar?

Sometimes there is a genuine problem that needs to be addressed. Other times, anxiety keeps searching long after we have enough information.

This can lead to what feels like an endless loop.

You worry, so you look for reassurance. →The reassurance helps for a little while→Then another doubt appears. So you check again. 

That short-term relief can accidentally teach your brain that the checking was what kept you safe, which can make the urge even stronger the next time anxiety shows up.

Anxiety Can Make Possibilities Feel Like Probabilities

One of the frustrating things about anxiety is that it is often very convincing. Just because something could happen does not mean it is likely to happen, but anxiety is not always interested in that distinction. Anxiety is a great salesman but it is not often selling a reliable product. Kinda like the guy who sold me a 2003 Pontiac in 2016.

A missed text becomes “I’m going to lose my job”, an awkward social interaction becomes “They must hate me”, and an uncertain future becomes something that needs to be solved before you can relax.

Part of working with anxiety can involve learning to notice those jumps without immediately treating every thought as a fact. Instead of asking only, “What if this happens?” we can also begin asking

• “What evidence do I have?”

• “Is there another explanation?”

• “How have I handled uncertainty before?”

• “What would I do if the thing I am worried about actually happened?”

The goal is not to convince yourself that nothing bad will ever happen. Unfortunately, none of us get that guarantee. The goal is to build confidence that uncertainty does not have to control what you do.

Avoidance Usually Makes Sense - At First

Avoidance can feel really effective. If something makes you anxious, not doing it usually makes the anxiety drop. That makes sense, right? However, this pattern of avoidance can also make your world smaller.

You stop driving on certain roads. You avoid difficult conversations. You turn down opportunities. You put off appointments. You stay away from places where you once felt anxious.

Every time that happens, your brain can learn, “Good thing we avoided that. It must have been dangerous.”. Therapy can sometimes involve slowly reversing that lesson.

Not by forcing yourself into overwhelming situations, but by gradually building your tolerance for discomfort and proving to yourself that anxiety is something you can experience without always needing to escape from it.

You Do Not Have to Eliminate Anxiety

This is sometimes the part people do not love hearing. The goal of therapy is not necessarily to never feel anxious again. Anxiety is part of being human. It helps us prepare, recognize danger, care about outcomes, and respond to things that matter to us.

The goal is often to make anxiety more proportionate and less controlling.

• Can you notice anxiety without immediately obeying it?

• Can you make a decision without reaching 100% certainty?

• Can you sit with discomfort long enough to discover that it eventually changes?

• Can you continue doing things that matter to you even while some anxiety is present?

Those are skills that you can build and improve on. Therapy functions as a tool that can help you understand what keeps your anxiety going, develop strategies for responding differently, and gradually build more trust in your ability to handle uncertainty.

Anxiety may be trying to protect you. Sometimes the work is helping it realize that you can take it from here.

Michael Pincente is a Registered Social Service Worker, and Master of Social Work candidate completing his Clinical Internship at Milton Psychotherapy Centre. His services are being provided at a reduced rate. Read more about Michael here!

If you are ready to take the first steps toward managing your anxiety, you can use our online booking page to book your first appointments with Michael, or contact our admin team for help with next steps.